Nothing Without Him
by Nightstar Fury
Summary: Dagur kills Toothless and Hiccup is thrown into a severe depression which leads to him killing himself. When Stoick, Gobber, and the teens find Hiccup's lifeless body, Gobber reads the note, and they discover that Hiccup says he's nothing without Toothless. However, they see a smile on Hiccup's face and understand he's back with his best friend, free and happy once more.


**Nothing Without Him**

Author: Nightstar Fury

Rating: M for Mature _[Will contain death, depression, and suicide]_

Pairing: None

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the HTTYD movies, Riders of Berk, Defenders of Berk, Gift of the Night Fury, or Dreamworks Dragons; Race To The Edge.

 _ **~Author's Note;**_ _This is just a small one shot idea that came to mind about if Hiccup lost his best friend and felt like he couldn't live without Toothless anymore so he ends his life. I hope you enjoy it. I'm still taking votes for the next actual story you all want to see. Remember; your choices are a Modern or Original HTTYD setting with the pairing selections as HiccupXAstrid, HiccupXToothless, HiccupXElsa, or HiccupXOC. Let me know in PM! Thanks!_

Free & Happy

[Hiccup's POV]

Another day has gone by without him at my side as he had been since I was fifteen. I despised how it felt to wake up knowing that he was no longer with me. Hell, I do not even know I make it through each day. Maybe it's because I know Toothless wouldn't want me to give up, or the fact I'm the Heir to the Tribe since my father is the Chief. Who knows? I certainly didn't. Living every day without Toothless was horrible and I couldn't take it anymore. Here I sat by Toothless's grave, the one I made two months ago now and cried. The hot tears fell from my green eyes and stained my cheeks as I pleaded to just wake up from this hellish nightmare I was living. But no, I knew it was true that he was gone. I never knew how amazing my life could be after we met. The Night Fury that I dubbed as Toothless, meeting him was the best thing to ever happen me, but I never imagined that everything could change in the blink of an eye. I never imagined I could feel so much hate knowing that my enemy killed Toothless right before my eyes. I never thought I'd feel so alone, filled with this much pain knowing my dragon was dead. I never believed my Tribe would make me feel so useless and unwanted after what happened.

Dagur the Deranged, chief of the Berserker Tribe murdered Toothless who had been protecting me. Now with him gone, I feel like my world has crashed. Toothless was more than my ally, companion, and dragon; he was my best friend. Toothless might not have been human, but he was so much more and the only one who cared about and was there for me always. At least that is how it felt after our meeting that day in the cove when I had shot him down. Back when I was fifteen-years-old, I invented something that could launch bolas. During a dragon raid, I shot down a Night Fury and nobody believed me. I was regarded as a troublesome runt in this village, no one liked me and my father would do anything to keep me away from him. I was constantly bullied by the other people my age, told to get out of the way by the adults, it wasn't a glamorous life to be pushed around and teased all the time. However, that all changed when I found Toothless in the cove, shot down by my invention. I did something that no one else ever did, I let Toothless go instead of killing him. Who knew we'd end up becoming the best of friends?

Toothless and I bonded in a way nobody would ever understand; we taught each other so much about our species. I made Toothless a working tail fin since my invention tore his left one off. Together Toothless and I discovered the source of the dragon raids and it was only after we defeated the queen of that nest, Red Death, did the dragon war end and the two species intertwined with a newly formed alliance. I even lost my left leg in that fight, Toothless took it to save my life when he could not catch me as I was falling into an explosion. I guess that's what made our bond so strong, we both took something from the other, but gained so much more because we needed one another. Toothless needed me to fly and I needed him to walk, I was good on my own, but I flew everywhere after dragons were accepted and allowed on Berk, our home island in the Barbaric Archipelago. Having Toothless in my life completed me, but with him gone, I feel like half of me is missing because everything changed after he died.

 **{Flashback; Two Months Ago}**

 _I woke up quickly, hurried downstairs to eat my breakfast, then Toothless and I hit the sky as fast as we could. It was something we did every single day, rain or shine, just not lightning. Metal was attracted to it and Toothless wore a lot because that was the only sturdy enough to build his tail rig with. Today was a somewhat warm day, hardly any clouds in the blue sky that we flew through contently. Toothless and I did some of our fun moves before we were joined by Astrid, Snotlout, Fishlegs, and the twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut with all their dragons._

" _Hey, Hiccup," Astrid waved._

" _Morning, Astrid," I replied to her with a smile. "What do you guys want to do today?" I wondered._

" _We're…actually going out exploring, maybe look for new dragons," Fishlegs informed._

" _Sounds great," I said._

" _Uh, you…can't come, Hiccup," Astrid stated as I arched a brow, pondering why I couldn't go._

" _Because y-you're dad is looking for you," Ruffnut said quickly._

" _Yeah, he wants you to help Gobber in the forge," Tuffnut added afterward._

 _Weird, my father would have mentioned something like that when I came downstairs for breakfast. "O-Okay, I guess I'll see you later at the academy then?" I asked._

" _S-Sure, Hiccup. We'll see you later," Astrid responded as the five of them bolted out of sight on the backs of their dragons. I couldn't shake the feeling that they were hiding something. Oh well, might as well find my dad and see what all this was about. Turning Toothless, we went to find my old man._

" _Hi, son. What are you doing here, thought for sure you'd be out exploring the islands by now," my dad, Stoick the Vast said._

" _Well, the other riders…said you were looking for me, something about needing to help Gobber in the forge?" I mentioned as Stoick arched a confused brow._

" _What help does he need? We don't need a lot of weapons now that we're allies with the dragons. If anything, you could help him find something to occupy his spare time with. But no, son, I didn't tell them I was looking for you," Stoick enlightened. I was little shocked to learn of this, my so-called friends lied to and then ditched me. Had they not wanted me to come along with them? I didn't understand, mainly because this was not the first time it had happened. For the last month, everyone had been acting a little…strangely towards me. Almost like how it was before I met Toothless. Snotlout and the twins were teasing me, and honestly, I couldn't tell if it was in a joking manner or not anymore. Astrid was getting farther away from me, I thought she and I had something between us, but I guess I was wrong._

" _Alright. Thanks, Dad," I sighed._

" _Something wrong, Hiccup?" Dad asked me._

" _No," I said while closing my eyes, a little hurt that the people I thought were my friends were treating me like…a hiccup again. That's what I was, a hiccup was the runt of the litter. I was an only child, but I'm not built like the other Vikings. I'm scrawny and short. Back in the day before Toothless came into my life, they all teased me for it, never wanted to hang out or nothing. Sadly, it was looking like nothing had changed. "No, nothing is wrong. I guess I'm just not feeling well today. I'm…gonna go home and rest if that's okay with you?"_

" _Go on then. I'll have Gothi check on ya later if you're still not feeling good," Stoick said. I nodded as Toothless took off and returned to my house. Toothless warbled at me, concerned. I kicked off my boots and sat on the edge of my bed as he nuzzled against my face, I tried to smile and pet him._

" _At least I know you care and are here for me," I told him. After a few minutes, I laid down and soon fell asleep._

 _ **-A Few Hours Later-**_

 _I woke quickly at the sound of someone, rather, some people barging into my room. I sat up to see it be Astrid, Fishlegs, Snotlout, and the twins. "What is going on?!" I demanded._

" _Hiccup, Dagur is on his way to Berk," Fishlegs panted._

" _What?!" I asked as I got out of bed and pulled my boots on. "Hide the dra-," I started._

" _It's no use. We were…being careless while flying, Dagur saw us riding them. He'll be here in fifteen minutes, we already told your dad too," Astrid informed. My eyes widened now, Dagur knew we rode dragons? After all the work we did to hide the secret the first time!? This wouldn't have happened if I'd been with them, if they hadn't ditched me because Toothless and I are the ones who listen for nearby ships and watch for danger._

" _Toothless, stay here," I said as the dragon whined with worry, I rubbed under his chin with a smile. "It'll be okay. I'll think of something," I assured. I raced out as the gang followed me and saw my father in the village square. "Dad," I called to him._

" _Hiccup, there you are. What do we do?" Stoick asked._

" _Same as last time, hide the dragons from view. Use the forest, houses if your dragon will fit in it. Dagur is crazy and has admitted to it so it shouldn't be hard to make him think he saw something that wasn't there," I demanded. Stoick nodded, shouting off orders. Fifteen minutes passed as the Berserker ship pulling into the docks and Dagur jumped off, heading towards my father and me._

" _Dagur, to what do we owe the unexpected visit?" Stoick asked._

" _Cut the formalities, Stoick. Where are those dragons! I saw the blond, the idiot, the wimp, and those psycho twins riding dragons," Dagur looked around._

" _I think you've been at sea too long, Dagur. Come on, riding dragons? Who in their right mind would do such a thing?" I mentioned._

" _Shut it, runt. I know what I saw!" Dagur shoved past me. I was not dealing with this on top of everything else I had today. I grabbed Dagur by his armor and pulled him back._

" _You can't just step foot on another island and do as you please, Dagur. As a chief, you should know that," I reminded him. Dagur grabbed his sword and tried to swipe at me, I backed up with mere inches to spare._

" _I'm not falling for it, Hiccup. Not this time," Dagur warned as he pushed me out of his way and I fell to the wooden dock. I watched my father go after Dagur, I slowly got myself up and saw the gang looking at me for help on what to do. Wow, they didn't even ask if I was okay? My Dad didn't either. Maybe after this was over, Toothless and I would just get away from Berk for a while, just the two of us. It seemed like now, he was all I had left. For twenty minutes, Dagur found nothing and grew angry about it. Dagur grabbed me by the tunic and slammed me into the wall of Great Hall, I coughed a few times as the wind was knocked out of me from the force. "Tell me where they are!"_

" _There are none!" I yelled back at him._

" _You lie! I knew something was off about the last time I was here for the treaty signing. That dragon attack was a fake, there is no way you would have survived against a Night Fury! Where is it?!" Dagur commanded._

" _Just because I look the way I do doesn't mean I can't handle myself!" I glared angrily as I raised my arms over his and turned my body until he released me. Once I was free, I punched Dagur in the face as he stumbled back._

" _Oh, oh. That almost hurt," Dagur grinned._

" _Then maybe this will!" I yelled as I bent slightly and drove my elbow into his stomach, making his gasp for air, and then I kicked him back. "Leave, Dagur," I ordered him firmly before turning to walk away. As soon as Dagur was gone, I was going flying with Toothless and demanding everyone to leave me alone. I couldn't believe that none of them were asking if I was all right, or even trying to help me out. Some Tribe I was a part of. Out of nowhere, I was tackled to the ground hard. Dagur punched me twice in the face then got up and pulled me with him, it took me a minute to recover and focus._

 _I shook my head and blinked a few times to get my vision back. I saw Dagur charge at me with his sword and I had nowhere to move away to. In seconds flat, I heard Toothless's roar and then a black blur shot in front of me. I heard gasps of fear as I saw Toothless in front of me, cutting Dagur off from piercing me with his blade. I heard Toothless growl weakly and saw blood dripping on the grass. My heart skipped a beat as my breathing got caught in my throat. I saw Dagur's sword in Toothless chest. "No…" I whispered. Dagur withdrew his weapon and stepped back smirking. I watched Toothless's legs give out as he hit the ground, bleeding and in pain. I scrambled to my knees as Toothless whimpered almost. "No, Toothless…Why did…you do that, bud," I put my hands on his head as he gave me an exhausted and weak smile, he licked my cheek as I felt ready to cry._

 _I couldn't believe what just happened. Toothless…saved my life by getting between Dagur's sword and me! "I knew you were lying. Everything I saw was an act, there was no attack," Dagur chuckled darkly. I watched Toothless close his eyes, breathing heavily and couldn't keep his head up. I was shaking with fear, with an unexplained rage to hurt someone; something I had never felt before. I reached for my Gronckle Iron shield that was on Toothless's rig, it was out of sight from Dagur. I grabbed an arrow from the quiver. "I'm going to be legendary when they find out that I, Dagur the Deranged, have killed a Night-,"_

 _I glared with an emotionless look in my eyes, I stood up and pressed the button on the shield handle, the shield split into four parts, and I drew back the arrow on the bowstring. "Aw, what's the matter, Hiccup? Are you upset that I hurt your little pet dragon?" he taunted as I shook more, becoming angrier._

" _Shut up." I told him._

" _Are you gonna cry now?" Dagur continued. I tightened my grip on the shield, steadying my shot._

" _Shut the hell up, Dagur or I swear to Odin that I wi-," I began to warn._

" _What are you gonna do? Shoot me with the measly arrow? Come on, we both know you can't hurt me, you'll never make that shot!" Dagur laughed. I narrowed my eyes as I released the arrow and Dagur's laughter came to an abrupt halt. Everyone's eyes widened and they gasped in shock, maybe even horror at what I'd done. I fired a single arrow and pierced Dagur's throat with it. Dagur hit his knees with eyes that were filled with shock and fear before he started coughing up blood._

" _I. Never. Miss." I retorted coldly. When Dagur fell forward, I knew he was dead. I quickly dropped the shield and moved to Toothless. "It's okay, Toothless. Everything is going to be fine now, we'll…get you fixed up," I told him. I didn't care about what I did to Dagur or that everyone was watching me. Toothless needed me right now and I wasn't leaving him. Toothless tried to lift his head up, but couldn't. I saw a pool of blood forming beneath his body and I felt my heart clench. "Come on, buddy. Stay with me," I said as I took off my brown vest and placed it on the wound. Toothless hissed in pain._

" _I know it hurts, pal. H-Hey, know what I was thinking?" I said as Toothless turned his head a bit and looked at me weakly, his eyes fighting to stay open. "How about you and I just leave for a while? What do you say? We'll grab some fish, fruit, bread, just hit the sky and go where the wind takes us? Just you and me, we'll take a long vacation. Go find some warm islands, hang on the beach, fly. Doesn't that sound like fun, Toothless?" I asked him with a smile, I felt tears forming in my eyes. Toothless gave a low croon, then he looked up towards the sky before lifting his head and looking at me with weak and tired eyes. I understood what he was doing, trying to say goodbye. My lip quivered a little as I held the sides of his face and stared at him. Toothless licked my cheek, then pressed his forehead to mine as the tears fell finally. I couldn't hold it in, Toothless was going to die because he came out to protect me. "You're the best friend I've ever had, Toothless. Don't worry, you just rest up and I'll be right here with you as you've been for me," I smiled a bit._

 _Toothless forced himself to lay down as if he were going to get some sleep, he moved his head to tell me to lay against him. I crawled over and laid into his warm body, Toothless put his head down on his paws as I rolled onto my side and rubbed his head gently, trying to make him comfortable. I heard my father step closer but Gobber stopped him and told everyone to back off and leave me be with my dragon. Hearing that, it only made it worse to know that soon, Toothless would be gone. I couldn't just wrap his wound and hope for him to heal. Dagur's blade struck deep and there was nothing I could do. I laid there with Toothless until I felt him stop breathing a few moments later. I shook him a little, but he didn't open his eyes._

" _Toothless?" I asked nervously. Toothless didn't respond. "Bud?" I tried again. Still nothing. I sat up quickly and looked at him. No breathing, no movement. I felt pain surge throughout my body as the tears fall freely now and I shook him again. "Toothless! Toothless, come on! Wake up. Please wake up! I can't lose you! Y-You're my best friend, I need you!" I pleaded. There was nothing from him. "TOOTHLESS!" I yelled out in anguish. He was dead. My best friend…was dead and he gave his life to save mine. All I could do curl up against him under his wing and cry my eyes out._

 **{End Flashback}**

Nothing had been right since he died that day. Gobber and my dad found me under Toothless's wing, I had cried myself to sleep. As they tried to move me, I woke up and fought them. I refused to leave Toothless, my father ended up yelling at me harshly, he told me that Toothless was gone and I needed to lay him to rest. The rest of that day, I spent with the other dragons digging a large grave behind my father's house. Stormfly and Meatlug were able to lower Toothless body into the hole and onto the slab of rock Toothless always slept on. I felt like he'd want to be placed into eternal rest on that, it was his favorite. Hookfang, Barf, and Belch moved the dirt over him. Toothless had been gone two months now and everything for me had just gotten worse. Today was supposed to be my birthday, but so far, everyone was ignoring me. The twins and Snotlout were pushing me around, teasing me. My dad seemed almost too busy for me. Astrid and Fishlegs were studying dragons, making corrections in the dragon manual.

Honestly, now that Toothless was dead, it felt like it was before he entered my life. I was just in everyone's way and they didn't want me around. I came to Toothless's grave every day, right now, I'd given up that this birthday might be my chance to be around others. I had hoped it would distract me, get me out of this depression. I knew Toothless didn't want me upset over him since he gave his life to save mine. How could I be happy when it seemed that the Tribe didn't like me anymore. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. This is how things were before Toothless and I risked our lives fighting Red Death. And now with Toothless gone, well, it looks like I was the same as before. A useless runt in their way. Why should I stay? None of them cared about me, or have been here for me as I was mourning Toothless. Even when everything happened, they didn't help me keep Dagur back. None of them stepped up to give me a hand when Dagur attacked me. These people were supposed to be my friends, a Tribe that worked together and protected one another. Where was that when I needed it most?

So what? Toothless dies and I'm suddenly no longer important to them? Had they really only liked me because I had Toothless? I looked at Toothless's grave, the grass was just starting to come in. No one wanted me around and I didn't want to be here anymore. Nothing was the same without Toothless and I refused to keep living this life.

"Don't worry, bud. I'm coming," I whispered as I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. I went into the house and wrote a short note. I was done with all this. I would get to be with Toothless again, we would get to fly forever through the endless skies in Valhalla. I attached the note to the wall by Toothless's headstone as I sat down and got my dagger from the back of my belt. I wanted this. I wanted to be with my best friend again, he's the only one who understood me. What it was like to be different from others, to be alone. I wanted to end this life, I wanted to die. I dragged the blade across my right wrist three times and left deep marks, then I copied the motion on my left. I felt the searing pain of cuts, then the blood seeping from the fresh wounds. I began to relax before taking the blade and cutting along the length of my arm twice, then made the same marks on the other arm.

I didn't know how much time had passed, it was getting darker outside and my vision was going in and out. I forced myself to lay down next to Toothless's grave, not making any attempt to stop the bleeding. I felt nothing but the release of pain, my body was going numb. "W-Wa…it for m-me, Too-Tooth…less. I'm…on my…w-way," I whispered out weakly, and for the first time in two months, a smile formed on my lips and I closed my eyes as everything went black.

[Normal POV]

The sun was almost done and no one had seen Hiccup in two hours. Everyone had been busy all day working on Hiccup's birthday party, it was meant to be a surprise to hopefully cheer him up. Everyone knew how upset Hiccup was when Toothless died. Hell, everyone heard when Hiccup screamed Toothless's name. Everyone did what they did today to keep him away from the great hall while they worked. However, no one could find him.

"Any luck?" Stoick asked the teens.

"No, Chief," Astrid shook her head.

"I think I might know where he is," Gobber mentioned while coming up the stairs, they looked at him as the blacksmith pointed to behind Stoick's house. "Toothless's grave," The small group made their way over and saw Hiccup laying there with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. Stoick knelt down slowly and shook him.

"Son, wake up," Stoick said. Hiccup didn't wake up. Stoick tried again. "Hiccup? It's time for dinner, come to the hall with us," he informed. Hiccup never opened his eyes. "Hiccup. Hiccup, wake up, son," Stoick said again as he shook him.

"Stoick, what's wrong?" Gobber asked him.

"H-He won't wake up," Stoick said as he tried to shake Hiccup again, rougher this time and it resulted in Hiccup's body rolling so he was on his back. Everyone saw how limp he was. "Hiccup?" Stoick asked. Still no response or movement. Astrid got lower and touched Hiccup's face and then pulled her hand back quickly, afraid almost.

"He's…cold," Astrid replied shakily.

"What's that on his sleeves? I-Is that…red dye?" Ruffnut asked. Gobber moved Hiccup's left arm and flipped it over seeing the red coating the sleeve, he hiked it up showing the cuts on his wrists. Everyone gasped as Gobber checked the other one, revealing the same.

"Hiccup!" Stoick yelled this time, fear taking over him. Gobber put his finger under Hiccup's nose and closed his eyes sadly before looking at Stoick.

"S-Stoick…I-I'm sorry. Hiccup is…gone," Gobber said.

"N-No. No, he's not. Hiccup is just-," Stoick tried to say.

"Stoick! Look at him, alright? His wrists are slit, his skin is cold, he's pale and he's not breathing! Hiccup is…dead," Gobber said firmer, trying to hold his own emotions.

"He killed himself, there's a note on the wall," Fishlegs said softly as Stoick was in shock, Gobber grabbed it and read it over.

"If you're reading this, I decided to end my life because there was no point in living this nightmare. I couldn't take it anymore; walking the village and being pushed around or ignored as if I didn't exist. That's how it was before Toothless, and with him gone, I just didn't want to live a life where I was invisible again. Toothless gave my life meaning, he was the only one to understand me and what it meant to be different. I realized that I'm nothing without him. Toothless wasn't just an allied dragon to me, he was my best friend. Please don't be upset that I did this and know that I'm with Toothless now. We'll watch over all of you from Valhalla and we'll always be with the wind that's around you. Farewell, -Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third." Gobber read aloud as he lowered the paper.

Stoick was crying, so were a few others and trying not to show it. No one could say anything, but they saw the smile on his face. Astrid was the one to wipe his eyes and put a hand on Stoick's shoulder. "Stoick, I don't know how much comfort it will offer you, but look at Hiccup's face," she said as Stoick looked. "He's smiling. Hiccup died happy and now he's free to fly forever with Toothless. We might not see either of them, but they are still here together as they were in life," she added. At that moment, a warm wind whipped through and wrapped around each of them. It was hard to hear, but Toothless's signature whistle of a fast flight was present and somehow, all of them found a smile. True that it was sad Hiccup killed himself because he felt like no one cared and was there for him except Toothless, but how could they be upset not to see that Hiccup died happily and was to flying high with his best friend.

[In The Sky As Spirits]

When Hiccup passed, he was met by Toothless in Valhalla. Hiccup hugged him right away, cheering at the reunion to see his best friend again. "I've missed you too, bud," Hiccup told him as they pressed their foreheads together. Afterwards, Hiccup climbed on Toothless's back as they headed down as spirits and watched while his father and the others found his body. Hiccup and Toothless flew through with the wind, surrounding them with a warm embrace and then shot off fast. Hiccup looked back only a moment to find each of them by his body smiling and understanding that Hiccup was still with them, also that he was free and happy with Toothless because he was nothing without his best friend.


End file.
